Issue #143 | November 6, 2026 | Previous issues​

Hey Reader,

It was a busy coffee shop on Saturday morning.

We girls were happily chatting away. Some of us waiting for our drinks. Some still needing to order.

Her husband was standing in line.

When it was almost his turn to order, he turned to get his wife's attention and made the little hand-flapping "blah blah blah" gesture.

The message was clear. Stop blabbing and come order your drink.

She laughed, politely excused herself, and joined him.

HE DID WHAT?

I wish you could have seen the look on my face.

It's at these micro-moments that I realize why God made me five feet tall and slow of tongue. LOL

Because the imagined, ideal Anna would've handled that moment in a much more satisfying way, instead of just staring there dumbfounded and speechless.

I would have ripped his head off, literally or verbally, or both.

Didn't know I had a temper, did ya?

Well if there's one thing I can't stand (among many), it's a man demeaning a woman.

I thought to myself, well, SHE certainly isn't a feral housewife. Although, come to think of it, neither was I at that moment. 😂

I later told my husband that if he had done that to me, his body parts would have been strewn all over Main Street.

I'm kidding, slightly, of course.

I'm sure you know violence isn't the point.

I have two points to make really, and maybe you can identify with them.

One is ideal you vs real you.

You know.

The version of you that does and says everything perfectly, all the time.

Ideal Anna is apparently six and a half feet tall, quick of tongue, fearless, and delivers beautifully articulated moral corrections within three seconds of witnessing injustice. 😂

Real Anna is five feet tall, processes slowly, sometimes freezes, thinks about the interaction for six days, analyzes what she wishes she would have said—and then calls herself a coward.

Ouch.

Do you constantly compare your real self to your ideal self and then beat yourself up for falling short?

Here's something worth considering.

There is wisdom in knowing when to speak up and when to keep silent.

Ideal Anna, of course, knows exactly when to do both.

Real Anna?

She's still figuring that out.

And guess what?

She probably always will be.

Because that perfect version of Anna doesn't exist.

Neither does yours.

Which raises a question:

Are we trying to grow into a better version of ourselves—or are we punishing ourselves for not already being her?

Well, here's my second point.

It's important to learn how to validate ourselves, especially when we disappoint ourselves.

Because here's what really bothered me about that encounter.

It wasn't simply what the man did.

It was that, once again, I couldn't think of something to say in the moment.

I HATE that.

I envy women who are quick on their feet, who can deliver a perfectly timed response without spending six days composing it in their heads.

But instead of acknowledging my frustration, I turned it against myself.

Why can't you ever think of what to say in the moment when you need it?

Why are you always so slow to think and respond?

Sound familiar?

Now, what if I'd had a different conversation with myself?

Of course you're frustrated. You wish you could express yourself more easily in these situations.

It makes sense that you wanted to say something. You felt that his behavior was disrespectful.

And yes, you wish you'd responded differently. But that doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.

See the difference?

Validating myself doesn't mean pretending I'm happy with how I responded.

It means acknowledging my feelings without using them as ammunition against myself.

And while we're practicing this, let's extend the same kindness to others.

When someone we love is upset or disappointed in themselves, perhaps what they need first isn't correction or advice, but a little understanding.

Tattoo this helpful validating phrase on your brain: It makes sense that you feel that way.

And don't forget to say it to yourself!

Once I've acknowledged my feelings, THEN I can ask the question that helps me learn.

Is there something I'd like to do differently next time?

Maybe I can practice speaking up.

Maybe I can learn to be more comfortable with an imperfect response instead of waiting for the perfect one.

Or maybe I'll continue to think of my brilliant comebacks six days too late. 😂

Either way, I can work on becoming the woman I want to be without making an enemy of the woman I already am.

Because here's the ridiculous irony of this entire situation.

I was ready to rip a man's head off for what I perceived as disrespect toward a woman.

Then I went home and spent SIX DAYS disrespecting another woman.

ME!

Good grief.

Maybe the next woman I need to stand up for is myself. 😂

With love (and courage),

Anna

P.S. Have you ever thought of the PERFECT thing to say hours (or six days!) after the moment passed? Please hit reply and tell me I'm not alone in this. 😂

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