Issue #135 | September 11, 2026 | Previous issues​

Hey Reader,

My goodness. Aren't we all pieces of work?

I know I am.

Being a work in progress is part of being human and alive.

And yet, I can judge myself harshly sometimes. If I'm being honest, some of that judgment leaks out onto others too.

I've also been on the receiving end of it.

Over the last decade or so, I've been trying to loosen judgment's grip on me.

Not by becoming a woman without opinions.

😂

You're allowed to have opinions. You're allowed to disagree. You're allowed to have standards, values, and boundaries that you hold dear.

What you don't get to do is insist that others agree with you, act like you, or bend to fit your ideals.

Sometimes it helps me to look at the opposite of things.

Do you know what the opposite of judgment is?

It's curiosity.

Curiosity lets you see the world through a different lens.

Curiosity says, Huh. There may be something here I don't understand.

The trick to curiosity is asking better questions. Skip the WHY questions and try WHAT questions instead.

For example, instead of Why did you buy that car?

Depending on the tone, that can sound pretty accusatory. Instead, try: What made you choose that car?

Instead of Why would you let your kid do that?

How did you come to that decision?

Instead of Why don't you just quit?

What's keeping you there right now?

Curiosity gives someone dignity and leaves room for the possibility that you don't know everything.

And maybe one of the easiest ways to tell whether we've crossed from disagreement into judgment is to notice what happens inside us.

Does my opinion about this person subtly change the way I see them or treat them?

Can I still offer kindness, dignity, and respect even when I disagree with a decision they've made or a life choice I wouldn't choose for myself?

I'll be the first to say this isn't easy, especially when it comes to friends and family.

On the other hand, acceptance doesn't mean deciding that everything someone does is okay.

We don't have to excuse harmful behavior.

And it certainly doesn't mean going along with whatever someone else wants while abandoning our own needs.

You can accept that people get to make their own choices while still honoring yours.

You can say, I understand that this is what you've chosen.

And still say, This is what I need.

Here's a question to ask yourself when you're in one of those moments:

Can I let you be you without becoming less of me?

Have a curious weekend!

With love,

Anna

P.S. One last thought: acceptance is not self-abandonment. If you keep saying yes when you mean no, swallowing your needs, or bending yourself to keep the peace, resentment usually finds a way to collect the debt later.

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