Master your emotions with confidence

The ponderings of a Feral Housewife

Issue # 61 || March 21, 2025 || Previous issues​

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Hey Reader,

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Did you know that you were once a little narcissist?

It’s true.

I’m not exaggerating nor am I hoping to offend you.

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All children are narcissistic by nature.

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And you were once a child, right?

I'm sure you’ve seen firsthand how children act.

If not, ask any mother.

Here are some characteristics of a narcissist that are similar to how children behave, they:

• Lack self-awareness and flexibility
• Don’t think (or care) about consequences
• Expect others to serve them (When my son was 5, I asked him why he wasn't getting out of bed and he said, "I’m waiting for my clothes to arrive) 👚🩳😂
• Are selfish and bossy
• Need constant attention / demanding (I once overheard a little girl say to her companions, "it’s my birthday, worship me!"👑)
• Live in a fantasy world
• Don’t respect boundaries (I still can't shower or be on the toilet without my son needing to ask me something "important")
• Don’t communicate effectively (tantrums, crying, bodily outbursts)

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Children are not intentionally narcissists.

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They're simply immature humans who are growing, learning, and trying to make sense of the world around them.

Think about it.

They went from having all their needs met with a demanding cry (aka center of the world) to suddenly hearing NO, be patient, share, sit quietly, stop, etc.

Of course, they're going to have a hard time. That's why it’s called growing pains.

Eventually, they'll outgrow the narcissistic phase, but it doesn't happen automatically.

Children slowly come into self-awareness and are considered "fully" so when they reach their preteens (11-14) and even then, kids are still works in progress (aren't we all?).

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Guess whose job it is to help children outgrow narcissistic tendencies?

Yep, parents and caregivers.

If a child isn’t guided, corrected, or disciplined they won’t outgrow these tendencies on their own.

And then guess what happens?

You have a narcissistic preteen.

Then a narcissistic teen.

And pretty soon, you have a full-grown narcissistic adult!!!

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YIKES.

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All of us at times in our lives display narcissistic tendencies. (If you don’t think so-that scares me😱).

But it doesn't mean we're all helpless narcissists.

We're on a proverbial spectrum, extremes on the ends and somewhere in the middle lies an "acceptable and delicate" balance.

At one extreme, we have those who embody the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). These people are unmistakable to those who live and deal with them. In last week's newsletter, we talked about how to identify them and how not to become one.

Most of us are somewhere in the "acceptable and delicate" middle.

We aim for humility and try to avoid selfishness, but the struggle is real!

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STOP worshiping your children

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So many parents these days practically worship their kids.

Remember when mothers used to say things like "who do you think you are?" (I've DEFINITELY said this to my son).

Now you hear parents say, "what do you want for breakfast, princess?"

If your child is a prince 🤴 or a princess 🫅, what does that make you? (Hint: not the king or queen!)

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If you need a wakeup-call on how far we've come in elevating children to little gods and goddesses, read the series The Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls. What a different world!

The focus has shifted on children being the center of the family circle versus a wonderful addition to the family unit.

Some parents do everything to shield their children from blame, consequences, and accountability.

Life is not always fair.

They should not always win.

They should not always get their way.

If you don't teach your children some basic truths in life, they will grow up to be miserable adults, unprepared for the world, and will make the rest of the world miserable too.

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I had a mind shift this week.

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All these years, I've felt horrible about not raising my son's self-esteem (and not knowing quite how to do it either).

I wasn't raised with high self-esteem, and I was going to protect my son from facing the same "ill" by helping him grow with healthy self-esteem.

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And now, I've learned better.

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I don't have to feel guilty.

I don't have to focus on improving my child's self-esteem, which just inflates ego. There's a better way to help him grow.

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Here's what I learned to do instead, that's way more beneficial.

-Help children cultivate the deepest joy in life, positive and meaningful relationships with others.

-Immerse them in the beauty of the natural world. Teach them to connect with nature and respect it.

-Stop telling them and treating them as if they're special or unique. Instead, tell them you love them.

-Help your child develop self-confidence through skills, hard work, and perseverance (not achievements).

-Let children fail or lose and teach them how to do so with grace and resilience.

-Teach them how to resolve conflicts, develop empathy, and accept the viewpoints of others.

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Imagine if kids and adults did these things!

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It's our job to stop the nasty cycle of narcissism.

Catch it at its roots!

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The Book Nook

Most of my research on narcissism and many of my suggestions were taken from the following sources.

The Narcissism Epidemic by Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell

Should I Stay or Should I Go? by Ramani Durvasula

And YouTube videos from Jordan Peterson speeches, such as this one: How to Instantly Break Free from a Narcissist’s Grip.

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In Summary

Nobody intends on raising their children to be narcissists.

This newsletter isn't about blaming or shaming parents.

In fact, some children who aren't raised as narcissists might eventually become so anyway due to their experiences in life, the people they hang with, their unrealistic perceptions, or other cultural influences. (Social media = look at me!)

This is about developing awareness, curiosity, and learning how to grow.

We can help our children and each other be happier. (Hint: happiness is not found by focusing on the self). This is contrary to what mainstream media and modern organizations teach.

But you aren't fooled!

Because if you read to the bottom of this email, you've demonstrated your desire and commitment to learning, growing and being a better person.

What’s one narcissistic tendency you’ve caught in your kid—or yourself?

Hit reply!

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Until our next feral, fun, Friday adventure,

Anna

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​www.aferalhousewife.com (Check out my work-in-progress blog for more articles)

​https://linktr.ee/aferalhousewife​

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This weekly newsletter is a labor of my creative love meant to inspire you to intentionally grow in all areas of life, especially emotionally, because what you think and how you feel influences everything. ​ If you're enjoying this newsletter why not forward it to a friend? ​ You can also send them a subscribe link: ​​​​Start Mastering Your Emotions with Confidence Today!​ ​ Heal your inner world to heal your outer world. ​ With love, Anna Celotto Creative & Digital Writer