Issue #137 | September 25, 2026 | Previous issues​

Hey Reader,

Some of you really identified with my newsletter last week about wanting to be prettier.

In my early teens, a time when I was still becoming and figuring out who I was, I learned that beauty matters. Now that I'm older, wiser, and wrinkles are forming, I've learned that beauty only matters to a point.

Beauty is fleeting. No one escapes old age. And beauty does NOT guarantee love or happiness.

Actually, nothing does.

Since there are way too many important problems to solve, more fun to be had, and more interesting things to learn, we shall put beauty to the side.

Something that appeals to me more than beauty is learning how to relax into life and into my body.

I've spent most of my life bracing for what's next. Bracing for uncertainty. Paralyzed by fear and stuck in nervous system exhaustion.

My shoulders are always tense and up to my ears.

Somewhere along the line, I learned to brace as a survival technique.

But I don't just want to survive life.

I want to thrive.

I want to learn how to inhabit joy too.

Last week I came up with a phrase that's been helping me, and I think you're going to like it too.

It's become a little mantra for me.

Prepare, don't brace.

Preparation says: If it happens, I’ll deal with it. Here's how.

Bracing says: I need to start suffering now.

Notice which keeps you stuck.

Here's one way I used prepare, don't brace this week.

I'm terrified of those giant bugs that live in the Southern parts of the USA called palmetto bugs.

Call them whatever you want. I call them giant flying roaches.

Every year we go down to the Outer Banks, and I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying I'll see one. And worse, that one will end up in my rental.

Well, it happened.

Gulp.

I freaked out.

I had my husband scan the whole house with a flashlight to find it.

He didn't.

I was stressed. I was braced for the possibility of seeing one when and where I least expected it.

I agonized about going to bed. My imagination was of no help.

And then I remembered that phrase.

Prepare, don't brace.

I did some serious self-talk.

What if instead of tensing up, freaking out, and constantly scanning every inch of the walls...I prepared calmly for the possibility of it happening?

What could I do?

Besides having my room scanned one more time, I decided the best plan of action would be to put a shoe near my bed and one in my bathroom.

I also had my husband make sure the windows were sealed.

Lastly, I closed the drains. (I learned this tip from a friend).

Now that I was armed with a plan (along with the hope that I could actually execute it if needed), I was ready to climb into bed.

I won't lie.

I was still nervous. I still scanned walls from time to time. But I was LESS nervous. (This is a deeply ingrained childhood fear.)

Being prepared does not guarantee feeling calm. You can prepare well and still feel anxious. The goal isn't to make yourself magically calm. It's to stop adding extra suffering where you can.

I did my best to be prepared (without packing my bags to go home).

This little phrase is so handy when a stressful situation is coming at you.

Need to have a difficult conversation?

Prepare what you want to say, even in the moment. (Pause. Breathe. Give yourself time to answer.)

Facing something you cannot control?

Prepare for what is within your control.

Because what I've been getting wrong for years is this: I've been preparing for impact instead of preparing to respond.

Bracing asks, How bad is this going to hurt?

Preparing asks, If this happens, what will I do?

One leaves you standing there tense, scanning the walls, suffering in advance.

The other gives you something surprisingly powerful:

A plan.

And once you have a plan, maybe you can lower your shoulders a little.

Maybe you can go to sleep with a shoe beside the bed. 😂

So, a question for you:

How often do you start suffering before anything has even happened?

I'm trying something different.

Prepare.

Don't brace.

With love,

Anna

P.S. Here's a somatic exercise: notice throughout the day how often your shoulders are up to your ears and slowly bring them down. Roll them forward and backward. Don't forget to breathe deeply.

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