Issue #127 | July 10, 2026 | Previous issues​

Hey Reader,

Two weeks ago, I told you to try this snappy little phrase just before you're about to get your panties in a bunch:

I don't need to have an emotion about this.

Then, last Friday, I gave you a different formula to try when getting control of your panties:

Of course I feel _____. It makes sense because _____. I can honor that feeling and still choose _____.

One reader wrote back saying she's absolutely sticking with the snappy phrase, and another reader wrote that she immediately implemented the formula.

So, which is it?

One phrase I made up myself and loved because it worked in the moment.

The other is a formula I created with the help of my life coach and ChatGPT, with the explicit goal of going a bit deeper into validation.

I spent the better part of the week chewing on these two ideas.

Is my phrase better, or is the validation formula better?

Can you guess what I came up with?

Yep, both.

I think both statements are useful, but for different reasons. A lot depends on what you're trying to achieve.

Have you ever heard of the rubber band on your wrist trick? People use this little trick to help them break bad habits. For example, if you're suddenly craving chocolate, candy, or whatever your addiction might be, the idea is to SNAP the rubber band on your wrist.

Yes, a little ouchy.

I guess how hard you snap is directly related to how badly you want to stop the thought or habit lol.

I'm not a scientist, but I think the idea behind this is to interrupt the thought and redirect the mind in the moment.

Your mind is one of the MOST POWERFUL tools you have at your disposal.

How you think shapes everything about you, even down to a cellular level.

Creating little distractions works with kids too. It's called redirecting. When a child is upset over something, a parent or teacher can try to redirect their attention elsewhere. It interrupts the thought, which halts the emotion, and then allows the mind to focus on something else.

Saying my snappy little phrase to yourself when you feel your temperature rising is kind of like snapping that rubber band on your wrist. It stops the emotion from escalating.

This can be a useful tool for PMS, perimenopause, pet peeves, or annoying issues you encounter that don't need your full attention.

So snap away...I don't need to have an emotion about this...when you need to interrupt your focus and stop yourself from spiraling out of control.

However, and this is a big however, oftentimes we're faced with repeated circumstances or feelings that just won't go away. Our feelings may continue to linger even after we've snapped ourselves out of it, so to speak.

When you need to take your healing to a deeper level, then the formula is the way to go.

By using this formula—Of course I feel _____. It makes sense because _____. I can honor that feeling and still choose _____— you're teaching your brain to build self-worth.

You're teaching your brain that YOU have a choice and although emotions are important, they don't get to have the final say.

When we deny our emotions, even subtly, we're teaching ourselves that we don't matter, that our feelings don't matter, and that we can simply swat them away like we would a fly.

But emotions are not like flies.

They're more like little eggs that get planted somewhere deep inside us. If we ignore them long enough, they don't disappear. Sometimes they grow. Sometimes they fester. Sometimes they turn into emotional maggots and show up later as resentment, exhaustion, bitterness, self-pity, anger, or a sudden desire to throw everyone’s socks out the window.

So here's the difference as I see it:

The snappy phrase helps you interrupt an emotion before it takes over.

The formula helps you honor an emotion so it doesn't take over later.

One is for the moment.

The other is for the pattern.

Both are useful.

Both are ways of taking responsibility for your inner world.

Not every irritation deserves an emotion.

But every repeated ache deserves your attention.

That’s the difference.

We're not trying to become women who never feel anything. That would be terrifying.

We're trying to become women who know what to do with what we feel.

Sometimes we snap the rubber band and interrupt.

Sometimes we sit with the ache and validate.

And sometimes, because we're mature and emotionally strong women, we do both, and then go make ourselves a cup of tea.

With love,

Anna

P.S. So this week, try paying attention to which one you need. Is this a moment that needs interruption? Or is this a pattern that needs validation? Choose accordingly. And maybe keep the metaphorical rubber band handy.

​aferalhousewife.com​