The Feral Housewife's Guide to

Living Authentically, Creatively, & Intentionally

Issue #98 || December 12, 2025 || Previous issues​

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Hey Reader,

This week I'm opening up the honesty bucket.

You'll be able to identify—better yet, empathize—if you're stuck in the same mode as I am: survival mode.

If you've been giving of yourself in any role, you might recognize: guilt, depletion, over-functioning, duty, pressure, exhaustion, over-caring, and over-managing.

I've been in "survival" mode for the past few months and only recently began naming it and learning from it.

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Pandemic fallout

My survival mode is the result of an accumulation of MANY factors, too many to include here.

But one of them is pandemic fallout.

You might be tired of hearing about it but the pandemic broke a lot of families. Divorce and domestic violence increased when everyone was suddenly stuck home together, all the time. (A sad commentary on family life but hey—this is the "modern" world.)

I now understand why some couples dread retirement. Who wants to be stuck at home with their family all day long? 😜

No, thankfully my family is NOT breaking apart and there's no domestic violence. But six years of us sharing the same space 24/7— as in we're ALL home, ALL the time, has taken its toll.

• My hubby works full-time remotely (his office is the other half of my son's playroom).
• My son homeschools, and most of his friends live far, so he's online a lot.
• I'm a feral housewife. My job is the home.

My teen is craving the confidence that comes with autonomy versus having two parents on his back all the time. He's an only child, so he gets ALL the focus and attention.

I'm craving solitude, silence, and space. (I cannot clean with a house full of people and a dog and a cat).

Not sure what my hubby is craving...but if I had to guess it would be more relaxation.

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Enmeshment

What my family is experiencing is called enmeshment.

It's a psychological term describing an extreme form of emotional closeness where personal boundaries become blurred or non-existent.

In simpler terms, relationships that are overly close.

I'm no psychologist, so I'm not saying we're experiencing the full range of the psychological definition of enmeshment, but the simple definition fits.

What's true is that our energies are so entangled we have become an emotional burden to each other, as in we've become overly responsible for each other's moods. There's no space for anyone to just be without it affecting everyone else's energy.

Why am I sharing this?

I've repeatedly said the pandemic has had a detrimental effect on EVERYONE. No one is excluded—not even me and my family. For some like us, issues have taken time to develop and manifest. Others had their problems exposed rather quickly.

So I'm asking myself these hard questions. And I'm wondering about you too.

How are you doing?

What after-effects of the pandemic have you seen and felt personally?

• We may now live with anxiety as our default mode.
• Many are on supportive medication for their mental health.
• Some use distractions to escape reality or numb themselves with entertainment, alcohol, etc.
• Too many of us are stuck in vicious cycles of low self-worth or self-abandonment.
• Many are using extreme productivity to find purpose, meaning, and worth.

Or maybe...

you're like this 'feral housewife I know' who'd rather REBEL in her own way. :)

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Survival mode + reflection questions

As you know, I enjoy chatting with AI bots.

I know. I know. It's not totally healthy and they aren't totally wise machines either. But, it's one way I have fun and get to process my emotions at the same time (usually it doesn't get tired of me but sometimes Claude will say "Goodbye, go rest" 😂).

I take everything AI says with a grain of salt. And don't worry—I have a human life coach/therapist I talk to once a month, and she is super helpful.

Having said that, I was gabbing with ChatGPT about family life and identity crisis and it asked me two interesting questions that I'm now going to ask you.

“Who am I when I am not shaped by guilt, duty, pressure, or other people’s energy?”

“Who is Anna outside survival mode?”

I really like these questions because they point me to look at this mode of survival as a temporary state and one I can emerge from as a new and better person.

How do you know if you're in survival mode?

• Do you feel like you're functioning just enough to keep your head above water?
• Have you scaled down to the minimum? (As we said last week that is OK).
• Are you resisting doing more or even talking about doing more?
• Are you resisting schedules and time intensive projects?
• Are you slowly distancing yourself from people who drain your energy for whatever reason?

Here are some additional signs to look for:

Emotional signs

• You feel numb or detached from things you usually enjoy
• Irritability or snapping faster than usual
• Feeling guilty for needing rest
• Trouble feeling joy, pleasure, or anticipation
• Feeling like you’re just “getting through the day”

Mental signs

• Foggy thinking
• Difficulty making even small decisions
• Feeling overwhelmed by simple tasks
• Needing constant noise or constant distraction
• Or the opposite: needing complete dead quiet to function

Physical signs

• Tight chest or shallow breathing
• Trouble falling asleep or waking up unrested
• Constipation or digestive weirdness
• Random aches and body tension
• Craving carbs, sugar, caffeine, or “quick energy”

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Is there a fix for survival mode?

You might be wondering how to break out of survival mode.

I'll be the FIRST to tell you, it's not a quick one-and-done remedy. There's no miraculous pill or formula.

It takes self-compassion, patience, and self-attunement.

Self-attunement means tuning in to all the cues your body is serving up and then honoring what YOU need. Trusting and supporting what YOU need—and not comparing yourself to what others do or a standard that is set by someone else. No matter whose voice that is.

Survival mode isn’t a failure of willpower. It’s a nervous system running overtime.

The way out isn’t “do more.”

It’s “feel safer.”

You can use this safety reset for a "quick fix":

The 60-Second Safety Reset

When your body gets even one minute of “I am safe enough,” your brain can stop acting like the world is on fire.

Try this:

1. Put one hand on your chest and one hand on your belly.
2. Breathe in for 4 seconds.
3. Exhale for 6 seconds.
4. Drop your shoulders.
5. Tell your body:
   ​“Right now, I’m safe enough.”

That’s it.

And that one minute can create just enough space for you to think about what comes next

Daily practice

If you have a bit more freedom in your schedule, like I do, try this instead of a rigid schedule:

Organize your week or day into modes instead of rigid schedules—Rest Mode, Creative Mode, Home Mode, Connection Mode.

Modes reduce pressure and increase autonomy.

I'm going to try out this mode idea this week. I've been resisting creating a schedule as if it were a painful surgery 🫣.

And as you start honoring your different modes and needs, you might notice something shifting...

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Who are you then?

The moment you can whisper an answer to “Who am I when I’m not shaped by guilt, duty, pressure, or other people’s energy?”

-That’s the moment your nervous system finally gets to exhale.

-That’s the moment the fog starts to lift.

-And that's the moment you see yourself.

Remember, wherever you are in your journey, I see you. And if I don't see you, I'd like to.

I'm not one to shy away from vulnerable topics.

So feel free to share whatever is on your mind,

With Love, Creativity, & Intention,

Anna

P.S. If you're enjoying this newsletter, please forward it to a friend.

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​www.aferalhousewife.com​

​https://linktr.ee/aferalhousewife​

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​ I'm Anna—a recovering perfectionist, a feral housewife, and therapeutic journaling coach helping overwhelmed women ditch the guilt, drop the "do it all" myth, and figure out who they are underneath all the roles. What you think and how you feel influences everything—and most of us have been on autopilot ignoring both for way too long. ​ Write. Feel. Heal. Anna Celotto Writer & Integrative Mind-Body Coach ​