The Feral Housewife's Guide to

Living Authentically, Creatively, & Intentionally

Issue #90 || October 17, 2025 || Previous issues

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Hey Reader,

Wow did I touch a nerve last week!

I received a few heartbreaking but all too familiar-feeling "jewelry store" moments from my readers. I'm guessing, even if you didn't send me your story, you have a few of your own.

Today, I'd like to share 3 deeply personal stories that expose a painful truth: There's an epidemic of people walking around believing they're unworthy - taught from childhood that they don't deserve good things because they themselves aren't good.

We aren't going to blame or point fingers.

Our parents did their best. They loved us with all their hearts and wanted to instill their values in us. But here's the truth: your parents were flawed. They were imperfect people with their own jewelry store moments. Some more heartbreaking than others.

What I'm learning is that each generation has their fair share of trauma. Unfortunately, that trauma is passed down generation after generation.

Here's the GOOD NEWS though.

You don't have to be a victim.

How do you get out of victim mode?

I'll answer that question right after I share the stories.

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Your "jewelry store" moments

(Italics / bold added by me. Storyteller identities protected)

Story 1: Only toast

My Mom never spent money on food or drinks outside of home. Of course, it wasn’t as popular back in the old days. But there were still soda pop machines and coffee counters. Whenever we went on a longer trip, she brought everything we needed to drink or eat.
It is still hard for me to buy anything for myself when I am out and I always think of my Mom when I do.

However, I do it! I just love buying coffee out. Not that it always tastes better. It’s just the act of treating myself that is so comforting. Once I was out with my grandmother and we stopped to get food. I was really hungry but only ordered something really small, I think it was toast, because I didn’t want it to cost her much money.

When I go out to eat as an adult, the price of a meal is as important to me as the description.

J.S. 🍵

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Story 2: The shadow

Here is my “moment”….

As a young girl growing up in the 50s, there were rules, looking your best was a top priority, at least it was in my family. My childhood friend was a girl who developed early physically and she was also a very beautiful girl. She was my friend, what came with that friendship was the sad opportunity to be in her company when the boys were ogling her, whistling, calling out to her, etc. I figured out early on, that she was the “it” girl and I definitely was not!

I remember distinctly going to the old swimming hole “the reservoir”, she in her older sister’s bathing suit with a push up bra in it, which only enhanced what she was endowed with, and me in my one piece striped model which displayed my very not endowed 13 year old body. I accepted being in her shadow….I remember distinctly standing in a circle with her and the life guards and one of them passing around gum to her and the others and skipping me it was as if I was invisible. To this day I carry that uncomfortable moment with me and the feeling that I was invisible.

What has this to do with my “moment”. I accepted early on, that beauty was rewarded, that being second was my path. In some ways I have spent my life accepting “seconds” for myself. I didn’t need a big perfect engagement ring, I choose cheaper clothing, nice but always less than expensive things. Given the choice of good, better, best, I’ll be the one picking good. In reflecting on why I am like this, I think I learned early in life, that I didn’t really deserve the best, so I never sought it; it belonged to the brightest, most shiny beautiful individuals, and I wasn’t one of them. Anna, I’m good….don’t give me a therapist’s number! I have learned my place in God’s design and so I truly know my value in life….but we do carry old stuff. (The End!)

D.C. 🌹

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Story 3: Is something wrong with me?

I’ve had many jewelry store moments in life. I wish I could remember the specifics. I don’t have one in particular that stands out but the way I was raised with my sister is that everything had to be equal for both of us. If she got something I got something. The challenge came when I wanted the bigger something or simply something else.

When that was the case I was told that I was just like one of my relatives, who was often labeled as selfish. It made me, at times, feel something was wrong with my personality.

Now that I’ve grown in life’s experiences and just as an adult in general, I see the world very differently. I don’t think of myself as being selfish but as one who is learning my needs and my limitations. I still hear those comments in the back of my mind of being like “Aunt so-in-so” but I’m giving myself permission to say, that’s not such a bad thing.

Thanks for your thoughts today. I really needed to hear this. I’ve had some heavy stuff weighing on my mind for a while and you gave me a different perspective.

C.M. 💖

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Heartbreaking!

I don't know about you, but each of these stories break my heart.

What's even crazier? I identify with the feelings of EACH ONE. I've had similar experiences, with the same results.

• Being told I'm selfish.
• Feeling that something must be wrong with me.
• Comparing myself to beautiful girls (topic for another day).
• Believing I deserved less than everyone else.

Do you see the damage being done to your inner worth?

So what do you do with your jewelry store moments?

Beat yourself up, keep crying, and keep believing them? Or blame and shame those that hurt you? Nope!

What I appreciate is that each of these beautiful women have figured out how to comfort their inner child and learn to value themselves through a different lens.

J.S. allows herself a coffee treat.

D.C. found her true value not by seeing herself through other people's eyes, but through God's.

C.M. has learned to look at the world differently and to respect her desires, needs, and limitations.

So, how can you follow their example and break free?

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Escaping victim mode

Notice that each of these women STILL HEAR the voices from the past, but they've learned how to move past them.

And you can too, with gratitude!

It may seem counterintuitive but the reality is, everyone is doing the best they can with what they have in the moment.

Let's be honest, we all goof up!

I cringe at some of the things I say to my son or how I try get him to see my adult viewpoints 😖.

The same is true about your parents and those voices. They were meant to protect you. So we can validate the part that was meant for our good.

It may sound something like this: Thank you for trying to protect me but it's now my job to parent myself.

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The second way out of victim mode is taking 100% responsibility for how you respond to your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

We can't fully control our initial thoughts and feelings. They pop up automatically based on:

-Past experiences and trauma

-Neural pathways formed over years

-Triggers we're not even conscious of

-Our nervous system's protective responses

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What we can control (with practice):

-How we respond to those thoughts

-Whether we believe them or question them

-How long we let them stay

-Our actions despite the feelings

-What we do next after the feeling arises

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The thoughts and feelings will come - that's human.

The choice is: Do we let them drive the car, or do we acknowledge them and say "Thanks for trying to protect me, but I'm choosing differently now"?

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In Summary

I want to say THANK YOU to ALL my readers.

You may not get to read each newsletter, and that's ok. I know life is hectic for everyone. And some of you read and don't respond, and that's ok too.

My deepest desire is that what I share with you resonates. Sometimes it should feel like a warm hug and other times it might feel a little like being exposed. Sometimes the truth hurts but it's in the awareness that we can learn to be our truest selves and appreciate our worth.

The key is to stay humble but know that you were meant to enjoy good things. It's not a right we earn, it's how life was designed by our loving and generous creator.

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With Love, Creativity, & Intention,

Anna

P.S. I'd love to hear how you're healing from your own "jewelry store" moments. Feel free to reach out and don't forget to send this to a friend.

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www.aferalhousewife.com

https://linktr.ee/aferalhousewife

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​ I'm Anna—a recovering perfectionist, sassy housewife, and therapeutic journaling coach helping overwhelmed women ditch the guilt, drop the "do it all" myth, and figure out who they are underneath all the roles. What you think and how you feel influences everything—and most of us have been on autopilot ignoring both for way too long. ​ Write. Feel. Heal. Anna Celotto Writer & Integrative Mind-Body Coach ​